bloodstained handkerchief
by TearStar
Summary: KuramaxYusuke. Kurama is in love with Yusuke, but he won’t tell because he doesn’t want their friendship to be ruined, and he doesn’t know how Yusuke would react once he knew. And, Yusuke is Keiko’s already. So Kurama went to USA for college, and to forge


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**Title**: Blood-stained Handkerchief

**Author**: TearStar

**Summary**: KuramaxYusuke. Kurama is in love with Yusuke, but he won't tell because he doesn't want their friendship to be ruined, and he doesn't know how Yusuke would react once he knew. And, Yusuke is Keiko's already. So Kurama went to USA for college, and to forget Yusuke, and came back sick, really sick. And Yusuke is the only one who could cure him. But how?

**TearStar:** Hello!! This is my first time to post my fic here,so I'm a bit afraid, afraid that you readers won't like it and will curse me.. , and I feel shy because the fics here are really good, then I'd post my fic? I felt really shy … anyway, if you think this is bad, please tell me and help me improve myself when it comes to writing… And, Kurama and Yusuke looks really good together! I really like their pair, I don't know why, but I do. This is my first boyxboy fic. I hope you'll welcome me and read my work. Please review too so I would know how to improve my writings. Thanks in advance to those who would read this, (if there is. )

**Alright!** I don't own YuYu Hakusho, ok? And besides, this is a fanfic after all. I hope you'll like my story. Actually I have MORE fics, mostly about VegaxChunLi and now I am currently working on my SephirothxOC fic…from those fics of mine, I seldom finish them, I don't know why, so I have MANY unfinished fics. And I'm glad I finished this one… …Enough with the talk, READ and REVIEW!!

**AND!** I have an opinion…I love fanfics very much, and there are fics that are really good, as in good! And my dream is, at least every once in a year, the animation studios would choose a best fic and make them into an animé presentation!…yeah…if you like it, hurray!!…if you don't, well, just forget about it…that's just an opinion, no opinion's wrong right? All right, proceed to reading…

**14**

It was close to midnight in Japan, and in a very rare occasion, the streets are empty, no single person could be seen, no single beep could be heard. But later on, the streets are occupied by a speeding ambulance, and it's siren, resembling the sound of mourning, broke the silence. Then, it began to rain, as if the skies mourned with it.

At the hospital, a red haired being is unconsciously going through series of tests, in a matter of life and death. A few days ago, this mysterious sickness touched Kurama, where his body is slowly getting covered by bruises, his body slowly weakening, and his organs, wounding. Outside the room, there was Yusuke, Hiei, Kuwabara, Yukina, Shizuru, and Genkai; anxiously waiting for the news.

"Will you sit down, Yusuke! You're making everyone more anxious!"--Shizuru scolded Yusuke who had been pacing back and forth for the nth time now.

"Grr! Why are they taking so long?!"--Yusuke complained before sitting down. No one's speaking , no one's moving, as if one word or move, they'd all die. Then the room's door opened. All of them, stood and asked the doctor, altogether: _Is Kurama ok?_ The doctor was pretty shocked, he's in the verge of surprise and sorrow. It could be seen in his face that he doesn't know how to begin. Yusuke's so pissed off that he began strangling the doctor just to get a word from him.

"Yusuke! Let the doctor go! Baka!"—Genkai punched Yusuke off the doctor "I apologize for the disrespect, please continue."

"Uhum…well, the patient is suffering scarring and hemorrhage. His body organs are scarring as well, making the situation even more complicated. We did exams, everything we know, but we can't figure out what's causing his sickness."

"WHAT?! Well, can you treat him?"—Yusuke

"I'm afraid without knowing the patient's sickness, we wouldn't be able to give him medication…I'm sorry to say this but…there's nothing we could do for him."

"What kind of doctor are you?! You're just gonna let Kurama di—" Yusuke didn't dare say 'that' word. He just rushed in Kurama's room and everyone else followed. In the room, Kurama's family is there, sobbing. He hated it. He looked at Yukina, asking her to cure Kurama, but whenever she tries, the wounds just gets worse. Yusuke walked closer to the resting Kurama, he laid there, limbs wrapped in blood stained bandages, making the bleeding still obvious.

"K-Kurama?"—Yusuke whispered as he sat at the side of Kurama.

He tried not to cry, he took a good look at Kurama. He hate the look of it, Kurama is laid on a white bed, dressed in white clothes, his hair spread on the white pillow, resembling a blood spill. His hands at his side, his eyes closed, mouth shut, as if he is just waiting for his coffin. Yusuke tried to wake him up, he shook Kurama but the fox didn't respond.

Yusuke's heart raced, he shook him again, and again. His tears flowed, but he didn't give up, he shook Kurama again…

"Y-Yusuke…Stop, it hurts." Finally, Kurama responded

"Oh, Kurama! You scared me there."—Yusuke forced a smile while wiping away his tears.

"…Why are you crying?"

"Nothing…Kurama, don't sleep. Ok?"

"Why?"

"Just don't…I want to tell you something, but I'll say it to you once you're cured. So get cured, ok?"

**14**

Botan rushed into Koenma's office, carrying with her mountains of papers related to Kurama's case. Koenma studied the papers and was enlightened on the situation.

"What is it? Why did Kurama become sick?"—Botan

"I can't tell you… let's visit him for now…"—Koenma blankly answered

**14**

A year ago…

Kurama sat in the train station, resting a while after a long day of school. He closed his eyes, and leaned on the bench. In the darkness, he could see one face, but thousands in quantity, flooding his mind:Yusuke.Yusuke,Yusuke,Yusuke,Yusuke………

He opened his eyes, hoping to wash away all his thought of Yusuke, but the case became worse. He watched this handsome guy walking towards him, dressed in white shirt and a pair of blue jeans. His hair roughly brushed up, but it looks good, and has a huge smile on his face.

"Kurama!"

"Y-Yusuke? What are you doing here?"

"Hmn? We always see each other here after school…what's happening to you? I guess you're too old and forgetfulness is touching you!! What's your true age anyway? From being Youko up to now? But if you don't want to answer, ok! Hahahah!"

Kurama froze for a while at the sight. Yusuke is laughing at him, _yeah, come to think of it, I'm way old if you combine my human and my Youko age_, but he loved it anyway. Yusuke sat beside him, still with a smile on his face. Kurama felt butterflies in his stomach, Yusuke's nearness troubles him. He lowered his head and from time to time takes a glimpse at Yusuke. Then he gathered all his might to ask Yusuke…

"Yusuke, what's the matter?"

"Hmn? What what?"

"You seem so happy today."

"Oh! That? Well, Keiko and I just made up after that annoying fight of ours."

"_Oh great…I wish I didn't ask…"_ the butterflies were replaced by a sting on his heart. He still can't accept it, he still feels that jealousy sting whenever the YusukeKeiko thing is brought up.

"_All right,Kurama, just shut up, or you'll get hurt even more…just wait for the train with Yusuke…with Yusuke?"_ Kurama felt blood rushing to his cheeks. He lowered his head even more, to keep it from Yusuke.

"Hey, fox! Aren't you boarding?"—Yusuke called

Kurama lift his head and saw Yusuke in the train, waiting for him.

"Uh! Yeah…"

He stickly stood and ran into the train

"_Hmm, fox's not in his self…_" –Yusuke made a mental note to catch the fox and make him tell him what's wrong.

The train took off and in every station, the people got more and more, tighter and tighter. Yusuke was talking all the way, Kurama just nods endlessly. He is solved with that. The sound of Yusuke's voice satisfies him a bit. Then his thoughts ran again..

"_Yusuke…Should I tell you? How would you react if I tell you I love you? or should the question be: should I ever love you?…It's your fault anyway, just showing up from nowhere back in the days when I and Hiei are still on the bad side. You know, when you showed up there, I actually think you're kinda cute. Yes, you are rugged, rough, and rude, but definitely handsome. I guess that's what the humans say: opposite attracts…always cursing, bad boy, loud-mouthed, but still kind, caring and helpful. Then we didn't see each other after your mission with the three of us. You know I missed you, I'm always looking for you, so I showed up and joined you in the tournament…"_ Kurama looked at Yusuke, reviewed everything he loved about him.

"_Yeah, and your voice, your stance, your walk, I know them all. I could even recognize you even if your back is facing me, even if you're walking with thousands of people, still I'd recognize you…and my being a fox added to the insult…I sense you even you're a mile away…but a while ago, I didn't…why? I guess I'm so lost in thoughts…in thoughts of you…Huh! Love…I remember myself laughing at that word when I was still Youko…I saw that emotion as pathetic! Going crazy on someone, dying for someone…but here I am, going crazy on someone, going crazy on you…I never thought love could be this pleasing, this good. And painful at the same time…well, maybe just for me…_"

"Kurama! Look!"

"W-What?"

"The whiz kid of Japan! There! With a huge billboard! But well, they don't know you so that kid was chosen…if they only know how smart, intelligent you are, I guess you'll have thousands of billboards!! I guess you don't have a problem being on your shoes!"

"I…Not really, Yusuke…_Smart? Me? Intelligent? No problem? Of course not!…even though schooling seems so easy for me, I still have problems, and its not easy being me…its not easy going to school and smiling on every girl that greets me. Its not easy to stand in class and say in a non-insulting way that the answer our teacher gave is wrong. It's not easy being a brother to Shuichi, and its not easy to fall in love with someone you could never have…not easy to fall in-love with a Yusuke Urameshi…"_

"Well, Kurama? You ready for tomorrow?"

"W-What?"

"Kurama!! I hate people not paying attention when you're talking!!"

"Oh-Yeah…sorry…_and your being direct and blunt, not a pretender, telling what you really feel, adds to my list of what I love about you"_

"So?" Yusuke asked again

"So?…Oh yeah, tomorrow. Of course, Genkai's birthday."

"Good! You know even though how much it hurts when that old Genkai hits my head, I kinda miss her too."

"Yeah, and so do all of us…"

"_I don't know how you're still able to remain friends with me knowing my past, being a bad monster, a thief, a killer and all, I was scared to transform myself into Youko back in the tournament against Karasu. I was scared that you'd see me like that, and knowing me as the legendary Youko Kurama, master thief. I was scared that you'd get alienated on me and forget we are friends, but still you remain a friend, which I never have a lot back in my Youko days… …But I guess that's what bound me to you, you're being kind and true friend…I can't sleep lately, because of you…you're like a strong coffee keeping me from getting a good night's sleep!! And when that happens, I replay everything I said and thought about you all over again!!…Oh God…get out of my mind, please…"_ Kurama looked at Yusuke, who's talking nonstop again, he hears no voice, he just sees Yusuke, his face, his hair, his eyes, his nose, his lips, everything!

"_Oh, Kami!…Ok…that didn't help…you instilled more images of yourself in my mind…I really wanted to tell you but I don't want to ruin everything, the friendship and trust you gave me…and besides, You're Keiko's now…Keiko, lucky girl I guess…how could I compare to her? She's smart, kind, caring, thoughtful, principled, pretty and…and…Yusuke loves her, agh! I wanna die right now to end all these twisted pains…I guess this is the end of the line for me…being friends with you is the closest I could get, and I'm thankful with that…"_

Then this certain song played in the train…

"Uh!…_That song again!! It always play whenever I'm thinking about Yusuke…is that just a coincidence? No, no, there's no such thing as coincidence… Oh, humans…how could a song seem to talk to me and talk for me?!…I guess that's a perfect song for you, Yusuke, from me…all its lyrics, perfectly telling how I feel for you…_"

(A.N: You'll know the song later on! I promise you'd like it, it really suits the situation )

"Hey, Hiei! Wow, I didn't know you ride a train, do you, Kurama?"

Yusuke joked. Kurama just nodded.

"Ah! You see?!"—Yusuke irritatingly blurted out

"See what?"—Kurama asked, almost on autopilot.

"You're not listening!"

"I-I am"

"Oh yeah? Ok, what's the last word I said?"

"…Uhm…" Kurama just smiled, sheepishly

"You see?!… What's wrong?"

"_What's wrong Yusuke? I'm in love with you, that's what's wrong!"_" for a moment he wish he said that aloud but he quickly dumped the thought.

"I-I'm just tired…"

"You know, lately, you're out of yourself, c'mon, you can tell me what's bothering you."

Kurama fell silent and contemplated for a while

"I-I…Yusuke…"

"Yeah?"

He wanted to tell him, he wanted to lessen his burden, but he thought lessening his burden could result to more burdens.

"N-Nothing…"

Then they came there, the train station Kurama wishes to be erase from the trip: the station where Yusuke fetches Keiko. He doesn't want to go and hurt himself more just seeing them together, no, just the thought of them together is hurting him. But, nevertheless, he accompanied Yusuke.

"_Why am I here? I'm just hurting myself!…And where is Keiko? She's making Yusuke wait too long…"_ Kurama looked at Yusuke, but the detective didn't seem bothered to wait. "_Well, Keiko's powers…"_

"Yusuke! Kurama! Over here!"

"_Finally she showed up. And, myself…You're gonna go invisible again!..Kami, help me! …Yusuke, please don't go…Oh! You're running now, to Keiko, Alright, invisible mode activated toink …every step, every inch you get closer to Keiko, it seems that my heart is..is..going to explode!!"_

"Kurama! Sorry, but, are you in a hurry?"

"_I'm never in a hurry when I'm with you…_ No, I'm not Yusuke…'_Yusuke'…How I love the feeling of your name on my lips..."_

"If its ok, could you come with us? I'll just accompany Keiko in the market."

"Uh- Sure!…_There! Call me stupid! But I went with them, not to accompany Keiko, but Yusuke…So stupid that if my Youko side is still not in my control, he could've waken up, surfaced, and killed the martyr-stupid-human-form Kurama!"_

The three of them arrived at the market. Kurama let the two lead, he just stayed behind them, and witnessed every second Yusuke shows how special Keiko is to him.

"Huh? Kurama?…Kurama!…Yo! Kurama!!"

"Uh?"

Yusuke walked closer to him, placed his hand on his forehead "Are you sick?"

"Y-Yusuke…your hand.."

"You seem out of yourself lately…"

"No, I'm fine…Go ahead, accompany Keiko, I'll just wait for you outside. I think I need fresh air." _No, I think I need to stop torturing myself looking at you two…_

"Ok…we won't take long."

At the train station, Kurama felt even more pain. Yusuke and Keiko are walking ahead, talking to each other only, almost leaving him behind, not even looking back if he's still there…

"_Yusuke…Ahh! Stop being jealous Kurama!…you have no right to…eventhough I love Yusuke, it doesn't mean he loves me too, or he's not that obliged to mind me everytime!…C'mon, Kurama, wake up!"_ He talked to himself and posted his usual smile, hoping to mask everything he feels with it.

He stayed like that; pretending. Yusuke would only turn to him and talk to him only if he asks questions, then quickly turns back to Keiko.

Kurama just stayed there, wishing to go off the train as soon as possible. And so he decided to…

"Wah? Kurama? This isn't your stop…"—Keiko

"Uh-UH, yeah…I remembered, I have to fetch my brother from school."

"Well, ok…Yusuke, Kurama's off."

"Oh! Ok, see you tomorrow!"

"Yeah…"

Kurama smiled at them while leaving the train, then once the train left, the smile was gone.

**14**

"Yo! Yusuke, Kurama!!" a loud voice called out to them. All of the people in the train looked at the source, a carrot head is the source.

Kuwabara entered the train and took over Yusuke's original position; talking nonstop. He talked so loud that all the people in the train were irritated. Plus, his saliva's raining on them!!

"Uhm, Kuwabara?"

"Yes, Kurama?"

"Will you lower your voice?"

"Hmn? Why? Ouch!"

Yusuke cut him, punching him on the head.

"You're talking too loud and you're saliva's wetting us here!!"

"Oh yeah?! Look who's talking!"

Then they started to argue endlessly. Kurama tried all he could do just to make them stop. The people are staring at them now. Thank goodness they reached their destination, Kurama pulled the two out of the train.

"Hey, we're here, so stop arguing."

The two let go of each other and fixed their shirts.

"Be thankful Kurama's here."—Yusuke

For a moment there, Kurama felt himself important to Yusuke. That gave back his confidence and posted a smile on his face.

"Yusuke!"—Keiko called out, waving, with puu in her arms.

Kurama got struck back to nothingness as Yusuke ran towards Keiko. Then he felt a cold, small arm wrapped around his neck.

"Hey, fox. Cheer up."—Hiei whispered "Don't be a sucker for that detective."

"Uh! Hiei?! You?"

Hiei opened his third eye "Yeah…you love the detective, right?"

"You…Don't tell, Hiei."—Kurama blushingly admitted

"Yeah…"

The sound didn't satisfy him, it sounded sarcastic. Even though he always sounds like that.

"Promise, Hiei."

"…Ok, I promise."

Kurama smiled at the frowning Hiei. Hiei is his bestfriend, he definitely knows everything about him. He felt relieved, at last he has someone to talk to about the matter.

They gathered there in Genkai's temple, preparing for the master's birthday. They asked Yukina to keep Genkai away from the temple for a while. During that time, they'd set up the decorations and prepared the food. Then the shining moment came, when Genkai entered, they sang her a happy birthday song. The master was cheered up. It has been a long time since they met like this. And yes, it has been this long when Kurama stared at Yusuke like this. The celebration is short but sweet. And now, all of them are preparing to leave. But, Koenma and Genkai are whispering to each other, somehow, they knew what Kurama's doing…They asked Kurama to stay after everyone had gone.

"Kurama"—Genkai authoritatively called

"Yes?"

"…I suggest you stop what you're doing"

"What am I doing?"—Kurama cluelessly asked

"Your love for the detective."—Koenma butted in

Kurama was caught off guard; he never knew he became that obvious, now he was scared that maybe Yusuke knew too. He never knew they would know. His happy mood shifted to a mixed grief and anger. Who are they to tell him things?!

"Revealing that would cause—"

"Chaos…" Kurama cut Koenma "I know…I made a pact to myself, that I'd just keep it, I won't reveal. I know that by admitting it to Yusuke would ruin things. I won't tell. That I swear to you. Genkai. Koenma…if you'd excuse me, I have to leave…" Kurama bowed to them as respect then left the temple...

It was late at night, but Kurama decided to walk home to give himself time to think. He felt really bad towards Genkai and Koenma, telling him things like that. But in one part of his mind and heart, he knows they're right. That kind of love is never to exist in the first place. In the monsters' world maybe, but they're not in that world. Then he bumped onto someone…

"What did you see in that baka detective, anyway?"

"Hiei?" Kurama stopped for a while. Then he realized that they're at the beach side, out of his way home!!

"That you get lost just by thinking of him?"

At that moment, he is beginning to get angry to Hiei. _How could he talk like that to my Yusuke!…Kurama, Yusuke's not yours yet…and will never be…_ he cried at that thought. _But, I know you understand Hiei_…He broke down and fell on the sand. Hiei didn't speak anymore, he just stood beside Kurama, never leaving his bestfriend. Kurama sat there, staring off to the nighttime waters of the sea, with tears flowing down his cheeks.

Days passed, until it became weeks, and months. Still, Kurama bearing all the pain of hiding his feelings for Yusuke. There are times when he decided to tell Yusuke, but he shrinks away whenever he thought of it's consequences. Everyday, his feelings grew, and so does the pain. Being with Yusuke gave him happiness and pain at the same time. More of pain, because he sees Yusuke and Keiko together everyday, everyday. Yusuke and Keiko, even though he's also there, but whenever Keiko comes, he just becomes invisible to Yusuke's eyes. Until he couldn't take it no more, he wanted to open his chest and throw his heart away, and die, just die, just like that. He wanted to forget Yusuke…

"Are you sure about it, brother?"—Hatanaka (Kurama's half brother) asked

"Yes! I've thought about it for a long time, and college there is good."—Kurama assured, but the bitterness obvious in his voice.

"…We'll miss you…then, I have to call your friends for a farewell party."

"No! Don't!" Kurama doesn't want them to know. He doesn't want them to know, ever, he doesn't want them to accompany him to the airport, because he was afraid that the moment he see Yusuke, he wouldn't go. He just wants to disappear, forget.

"W-Why?"

"I-I…I'll do that myself…"

"O-Ok…whatever you say, brother"

Only one week left before they graduate highschool. Everyone is excited to go to college. In they're gathering place, everyone is talking about it.

"Wow! At last, we're going to college!!"—Kuwabara

"Hooo! Are you sure you're going to college??"—Yusuke

"And what are you trying to say?!"

The two began arguing again. Kurama tried to split them up, again, but Keiko prevented him to.

"How 'bout you, Kurama? Where do you plan to study college?"—Keiko

"I…haven't decided on that yet…" then he smiled.

"Well…yeah, I envy you, because you're so intelligent that you could enter any college you want…"

"_I envy YOU…you have Yusuke_.." was Kurama's answer in his mind...

Kurama went home, and his torture began again…

He tried to pre-occupy himself by doing his assignments, by helping Hatanaka in his home works, and by listening to the radio.

He was sitting on his bed, eating his snack when that song he hears at the train station played, again.

"That song again…"

He stopped eating, he turned the volume up, closed his eyes and listened to the song…then without knowing why and when, he just found himself crying.

"Hmn! You're crazy, Kurama. Crying over a song?!"

Kurama wiped his tears and looked at the source of the voice.

"H-Hiei…How long have you been there?"

"Just enough to see you cry over 'that' song."

Kurama sheepishly smiled, trying to stop himself from crying.

"_I'm not crying over the song, Hiei, I'm crying over Yusuke…as I always do…"_

Hiei cursed as he read Kurama's thoughts "Don't waste your time on that detective. Crying over Yusuke, as you always do…"

"Hiei! Don't read my mind!!"

Hiei didn't mind Kurama's shouting, he just leaned on the windowpane. Kurama wanted to talk about it, he wanted it all out, but he knows Hiei is not fond of 'that' subject: love. He knows Hiei listens to him whenever he has to say something, even if Hiei pretends not to listen. He just keeps on talking, knowing Hiei listens, well, at least hears.

"Hiei…Do you think I should tell?"

"…That's your decision."

"But…For you, should I tell?"

"For me?…you wanna know what I think? I think you shouldn't. Yusuke doesn't deserve someone like you."

"Hiei…"

"Why? Its true!"

"You're just mad at him. You've never really got close to each other."

"Hmph!… Do you really love him?"

"Y-Yeah…" Kurama blushed, hard. Hiei never asked him that before.

Hiei still can't understand. He can't understand why and how Kurama fell for Yusuke. Its true, he's not that close to Yusuke, and he doesn't want to.

"_Kurama…that Yusuke, if you love him this much, then maybe Yusuke is really something special…"_

"Yeah, he is special." Kurama read his mind

"Kurama! No mind reading!"

"Just fair, you read my mind a while ago…"

"Hmph!…Kurama?"

"Yes?"

Hiei doesn't want to talk about it really, the love thing. But he did, anyway…

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"I-Its because…You see, Hiei…there are lots of complications."

"Like?"

"L-Like…what if he doesn't like what I'll confess to him…what if he sees it as gross…I'm afraid I'd ruin our friendship…and, Keiko…things like that." Kurama's tears flowed again.

"You'll never know unless you try."

"Yeah…but what if I try and it all came out to ruin everything?"

Hiei didn't speak anymore; he doesn't like talking too much. He just stayed there, watched Kurama go through the day, crying over Yusuke. Then he looked outside the window. He saw the detective pass by. He didn't tell Kurama, he doesn't know why, but he just didn't. He saw the detective walking happily with that big smile on his face. at that moment, he wanted to go out of the window and stab Yusuke to death.

"_Hmph! How could you walk like that? While Kurama's here, crying his heart out over you!!"..._

Then the days passed, the graduation passed. And here he is again, with Yusuke, going home from their graduation party. He remembered this day most of all…he titled it: The Last Day. The last day he'd be with Yusuke, the last day they'd ride a train together, the last day they'd walk home together, the last day he'd see Yusuke, hear his voice, witness his smiles, the sparkle of his eyes. It hurt him; that he doesn't have any opportunity, or right, to confess. That he had to endure all of this pain. But he always tells himself that this is the best for all of them.

"Faster Kurama! The train would leave us behind!"

"I'm there, Yusuke"

"Hurry! Hurry!" Yusuke obliging him, he got in just before the doors closed.

"I-I made it." -Kurama said, catching his breath and when he regained his composure, posted his usual smile on his face.

"Kurama? What happened?"

"What?" still with a smile on his face

"Your hand...it's wounded."

Kurama turned to look at his hand, it is wounded.

"Uh-I wonder where it got wounde-Yusuke…"

Yusuke snatched his hand and wrapped it in a handkerchief.

"There!" smiled

Kurama just stood there, blinking his eyes, Yusuke just engraved another reminder of himself into his mind.

"Don't worry, the handky's mine, it's clean…I guess, hehehe."

"Yusuke, you don't have to."

"No, take it. A souvenir."

"_Souvenir? Does he know I'm leaving?….._Souvenir, Yusuke?"

"Well, c'mon Kurama! You're losing your humor! I was expecting you'd laugh at that!"

"..O-Ok..hehehe…_Oh, I thought he knew…"_

The train trip is unusually long and slow for Kurama. It seems as though they have been traveling for hours now. He stood there, staring at Yusuke, only him, and the other people are just blurred. He wished a blackout would happen stopping the train, delaying his departure, their separation. He felt guilty; guilty that he loves him and that he can't tell him, and that he didn't tell him he's leaving tomorrow. He looked at the handkerchief around his hand; he became lost in thought again.

"Kurama! It's my station, I'm off!"

"Ah…yeah, take care."

"See you tomorrow!"

Yusuke waved goodbye before the doors closed.

"_Tomorrow…There's no more Kurama tomorrow, Yusuke…"_

That night, after he packed his things, he went out and went to Yusuke's house. He didn't call, he just climbed on a tree and from there; watched Yusuke. He watched Yusuke eat, watch TV, and up until the detective slept. He couldn't hold himself back, that he left the tree and silently entered Yusuke's room through the window. While he was doing that, he was crying. He wanted to wake him up and tell him straight, but all he could do is look at him from a distance. He closed into the detective's bed; he sure is in a deep sleep. He memorized Yusuke's features, his hair, eyes, nose, lips, cheeks, chin, hair, skin, arms, everything.

"Yusuke…forgive me for loving you…but don't worry, I won't ruin everything in our friendship, between you and Keiko, that's why I'm leaving…I know you'd be angry for not telling you that I'm leaving…For the last time…" Kurama sat beside Yusuke and kissed him gently, careful that he won't wake the detective up. "I love you, Yusuke…I hope someday I'd be able to tell you this when you're awake…"

He whispered to him: "Sayonara…"

Yusuke yawned, stretched and greeted the new morning. Then his mind reminded him of "Sayonara…"

"Sayonara?..." He thought of it hard, he thought he heard someone whispered to him sayonara. "Hmn! Probably a dream…" shrugging off the thought.

He came to bathe and eat, then he took off, looking at the world from a new perspective: a highschool graduate. He remembered everyone who helped him graduate, his mom, even though always drunk, always provided him everything he needs. His friends, his classmates that he forces to let him copy their notes. And Keiko who motivated him to come to school. Oh yeah, there's another one, Kurama, the person he runs to whenever Keiko isn't available to tutor him. Then it hit him; could it be that I abused Kurama? I only go to him when I need things…but he thought of Kurama's actions, no, he's not mad. He's just kind, sooo kind…

"Hmn, that Kurama, that beautiful Kurama…huh?! What am I saying?!"

"Hey watch it kid!" a big-bellied old man scolded him. He had just hit on him.

"Sorry…"

After he apologized, he thought again of the last words he said…Beautiful Kurama? Yusuke!! What's happening to you!! He scolded himself, slapping himself.

"Wah!! Yusuke?! Don't kill yourself that way! I could help you, I'll just push you into traffic and get hit by a car again!"—Kuwabara teased Yusuke

"Shut up, dumbhead!"

And again…they began arguing…but this time, no Kurama to stop them.

Yusuke is getting tired of the argument.

"Kuwabara…let's stop…I'm tired…"

"Yeah…Me too…so this is what happens when Kurama's not around…I think we should go to different colleges…"

Yusuke thought of what Kuwabara said…he's right, there's no Kurama to stop them from fighting, and eventually, killing each other.

"Hey, Yusuke…"

"Hmm?"

"You and Kurama go home from school together everyday, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Aren't you gonna miss him in college? 'Coz I'm sure he'll enter Tokyo University 'coz he's qualified, well, I guess he IS over qualified…"

"…Yeah, come to think of it, you do have a brain!"

Half of the summer vacation is passing them by, with Yusuke not seeing Kurama. Genkai invited them to her temple for a vacation. Since they don't have anything to do, they went. Everyone is there, but it is noticeable that Kurama isn't. Yusuke began to worry.

"Botan, did you see Kurama?"

"Oh, he is in the USA!" She suddenly felt Genkai's, and Koenma's sharp stares "Oops…I did it again…"

"What??" everyone who heard it asked

"When did he leave??"—Yusuke strangling Botan

"Well, he.he…left after your graduation"

"Why didn't he tell us, and what the hell is he doing there??"

"HeHe… accepted the college scholarship there in USA…"

Everyone's mood was dampened, it's no fun if you're incomplete…they stayed for a while in the temple, put up a bonfire and cooked fish on it. Sure, there was laughter, but anyone could tell that the laughs are untrue. Then one by one, they spoke out what they feel about the issue…

"You know, I kinda miss Kurama…the times that he'd just smile around and explain things to me, even though he knows I wouldn't understand…"—Kuwabara

"Yeah…I remembered when you guys are away, Kurama stays with us and protects us."—Keiko

"Away? I wouldn't be away from Yukina my love! Right?"

Yukina just smiled, completely clueless of what the orange head is saying.

"Whatever, Baka!" Shizuru slammed her fist hard on Kuwabara's head.

"Yeah, he was there when Yusuke got kidnapped, and he relaxed us and helped us find Yusuke and Hiei… and come to think of it, he did many things for us."-Botan

They spent the night, talking about Kurama. Yusuke thought _Kurama must be dying from the continuous sneezes he's getting from being remembered…_

"Yusuke! Your fish is burning!"—Botan

It took about 5 seconds before the info sank in Yusuke's head…"Uh! Yeah! Water! Water!"

"Arigato Gozaimasu, Sensei!" –they all said, departing from the temple.

But the talk didn't end there, while all of them are walking home, they're still talking about Kurama. Yusuke just stayed silent and walked behind them all, hearing everything they say about Kurama; agreeing to each of them. Realizing, that he, himself, misses Kurama…

Yusuke jumped to his bed, still angry of what Kurama did. They're together that whole day and he didn't even tell him.

"What kind of friend are you?!" Yusuke angrily shouted.

Then he thought again, there must be some good reason why Kurama did that. So he stood and went to the person whom he knows know everything about the fox: Hiei.

Outside his house, he felt Hiei's energy around…

"You! Elf! Get out, show yourself!"

Then he felt cold steel on his neck

"Call me that again and you're dead."

"Why did Kurama do that?" Yusuke asked, not bothering the sword, he just wanted to know why Kurama left without telling them.

Hiei withdrew his sword and began to walk away. He was stopped by Yusuke's iron grip on his shoulder. "Speak!"

Hiei looked at him with his red, cold eyes, and shrugged off his arm on his shoulder. "You're really numb, baka." Then the black-dressed being disappeared.

Hiei wanted to kill Yusuke that very moment, but doing so would make his bestfriend hate him: Kurama…he wanted to scream at Yusuke and tell him how stupid and numb he was! _Damn you Yusuke! You're making Kurama suffer and do this!_

Yusuke went through the vacation, missing Kurama, badly. He never felt that with Keiko. With Keiko he always have to act good, be good. But with Kurama, he can be himself. Kurama makes him feel comfortable and safe. He feels that way because he trusts Kurama completely, with his life. Then it dawned to him, the saying: you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. Yeah, he remembered the times when he feels nervous around the fox, out of fear? Out of being looked at stupid? It's just that no matter how beautiful you are, how famous you are, how strong you are, when you're with Kurama, all of that just won't compare. They're always together that notices Kurama's beauty, kindness, smartness, his being…perfect, no he thinks perfect isn't enough to describe Kurama. He remembered back in the tournament, he hated Hiei, no, He's jealous to Hiei. How could he be so close with someone like Kurama? _That three-eyed elf!_…he smiled on the thought that sometimes, he wishes Kurama is a girl, he'll definitely fall in love with her. That he'd die courting her despite the fact that she'd be too perfect for someone like him and—wait!

Yusuke slapped himself…

"…Oh!!…" _Baka Yusuke? Why didn't I realize it before?! _He slapped himself again.

"I-I love the fox!!…, I'm in-love with Kurama!" He slapped himself again, realizing how stupid he was. Why just now? Now that the fox is gone…

Keiko noticed that Yusuke's unusually silent the whole night. So she slapped him.

"Ouch! What's that for?!"

"You're too silent…"

"You girls! You're unpredictable! If I'm talking you slap me too, 'coz I'm noisy, and now that I'm silent, I still receive a slap??"

"…You miss Kurama, don't you?"

"_Yeah! What do you think am I behaving like this! You know, Keiko, no matter how smart you are, you get lost in thoughts sometime, just like Kurama…No, you and Kurama are different, way different…"_

They stayed like that until they departed the train. Keiko just walked beside the detective, thinking how to make Yusuke feel better, if ever she can. Maybe Yusuke, himself didn't notice, but he always stares at Kurama whenever he had the chance, whenever Kurama is looking somewhere else. She is beginning to suspect then that maybe, maybe Yusuke has a crush on Kurama.

"Yusuke?"

"Hmn?"

"Tell me how you're feeling…I know you wanted to talk about it."

Yusuke just nodded and kicked a stone nearby.

"Yusuke…you and I grew up together, so I know something's bothering you…Is it Kurama?"

"_Hmm…I hate to talk about things like this with others! I'd rather deal with them myself…_Keiko, I don't wan-"

"You like him, do you?"

"K-Keiko?!"

Keiko pointed to his cheeks

"You're blushing, Yusuke."

"Keiko? How'd you—When—How—What—where- "

Then he received a slap, a really strong one. "You're obvious!"

"What??"

"You know, I didn't actually think you're stupid, but since you didn't notice yourself staring at Kurama every time he stares somewhere else, I begun to believe you are …"

"Staring at Kurama?"

"Yes…I notice it whenever I go home together with you two…When Kurama's looking at you, you look away, but when Kurama's looking away, you steal a stare at him…you looked stupid."

"Huh? I do that? I didn't even notice that back then? That I just realize it just now? Baka, Yusuke!…Even Keiko noticed, why didn't I notice it myself?!"

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"… _because he's too perfect for a guy like me…"_

"If you had the chance, will you tell him?" Keiko asked again, but it's no good. Keiko saw that Yusuke wanted to kill himself right then and there.

"Yusuke, don't be too hard on yourself…Sometimes you don't really notice things about yourself."

"Keiko…Y-You…You know what you really are to me right? I told you before…"

"Yes! Don't worry Yusuke, We're just like brothers and sisters… I don't know where the others get the idea that something's going on between us…maybe its because we're too close to each other."

"Yeah…But…don't you think I'm…I'm…crazy?…coz I love another man."

"As long as you love him, who cares?"

"Thank you Keiko, for understanding! And for being my 'sister' and bestest friend! Ouch!"

"Only best! Not bestest!"

Then they found their selves laughing, momentarily forgetting the pain of having a friend overseas.

"Yusuke…if Kurama comes back, will you tell him?"

"Of course! Damn I'm dying here having him away!"

"Then, don't break his heart, or I'll slap you to death."

"Yes_…that is if Kurama answers me…"_

**14**

It's 10 in the evening in New York, and that time is still early there, considering that that city is the city that never sleeps. Kurama began familiarizing himself to his new world. He never got lost, given his fox instincts. He was glad he is slowly forgetting Yusuke, well, he thinks so… and just when he thinks so he forgot the detective, he'd see something that reminds him of Yusuke. He passed by this alley, where two men are in a fistfight. He looked at the two, and one of them changed into Yusuke in his eyes. He shook it off and began walking again. Then he passed by this arcade shop, another Yusuke trademark.

"Oh yeah, great…reminding me everything about you again…"

He reached the park and was awed on how beautiful it is. He looked around, the trees are stunning, the plants, the flowers, the fountain, he had never seen anything like it in Japan.

Yusuke…I wish you were here, witnessing this…with me…

He let out a sigh, hoping to lessen the emotional pain he's carrying. He entered this coffee shop, hoping to rest a while. Then 'that' song played again.

"Again? Is this song following me? I hear it at the train station, at the radio, whenever I'm thinking about Yusuke. Telling me I'm hopeless? Well it doesn't have to, I already know…"

(A.N: I didn't write this song. This song is jus 'adapted' I don't know the original artist behind it.

_Friend of Mine_

_I've known you for so long you are a friend of mine_

_But is this all we'd ever be_

_I've loved you ever since you are a friend of mine_

_Babe, is this all we ever could be_

_You tell me things I've never known_

_I've shown you love you never shown_

_But then again when you cry_

_I'm always at your side_

_You tell me 'bout the love you've had I listen very eagerly_

_But deep inside you'll never see_

_This feeling of emptiness, that makes me feel sad_

_But then again, I'm glad_

_I've known you all my life you are a friend of mine_

_I know this is how its gonna be_

_I've loved you then and I love you still, you're a friend of mine_

_Now I know friends are all we ever could be_

_You tell me things I've never known_

_I've shown you love you never shown_

_But then again when you cry_

_I'm always at your side_

_You tell me 'bout the love you've had I listen very eagerly_

_But deep inside you'll never see_

_This feeling of emptiness, that makes me feel sad_

_But then again, but then again, I'm glad_

Kurama sighed when the song ended. He had been holding back his tears; he doesn't want to cry in public, which would be very embarrassing.

"_Ohh…every line is just what I really wanna say to him. Yusuke… I've loved you then and I love you still, you're a friend of mine_

_Now I know friends are all we ever could be"_

He made his way back to his hotel, with that song spinning again and again in his mind. In the hotel, he could notice that the girls are staring at him, he could hear them say: He's such a beautiful guy!

"_Why can't Yusuke see me as such?"_ he questioned himself.

Finally, after getting his keys, he laid on his soft bed. He tried to sleep but he can't, he remembers that coffee-Yusuke again …he constantly changed positions just to get a sleep. He turned for the millionth time now, and still sleep isn't visiting him.

"Ahh!!Someone please distract me! So I could forget Yusuke, even for a while!"

Then his phone rang, doing exactly what he wanted.

"Hello?"

**14**

Yusuke is currently walking in the park, which he later discovered not a good thing, since the park is full of Kurama reminders: the roses, the cherry blossoms, the ice cream, the cotton candy, the wolf is a sweets lover. He went to the fountain and splashed water onto his face. Hoping it could relieve him a bit. He was walking for hours now, practically with no destination. He was so tired of walking, and of thinking of Kurama that he just slacked down under a tree, planning to sleep the day away. He was near to sleep when a cherry blossom dropped on his chest.

"Kurama…"

Luckily, he saw Hatanaka in the park too. Hatanaka took out his phone and started to dial.

"Yo! Hatanaka!!"

"Y-Yusuke?"

"Who are you calling? Kurama?"

"Yes"

"Could you do me a favor?"

**14**

"Ahh!!Someone please distract me! So I could forget Yusuke, even for a while!"

Then his phone rang, doing exactly what he wanted. He picked up the phone and was glad that Hatanaka is calling.

"Hello? Hatanaka, I'm glad you called."

"Hello?"

When Kurama heard that familiar, too familiar, voice; he froze from his spot, tears began streaming down his cheeks. He wanted to say sorry, to say: I love you Yusuke...

"Hey, Kurama, are you there? This is Yusuke."

"Y-Yeah. Yusuke."

"How are you? Why didn't you tell us you're leaving; Everyone's upset."

"Uh…yeah…" Kurama tried all his might to keep his sobbing from Yusuke…

"Kurama?"

"Yes, I'm still here."

"Yeah, why didn't you tell us?"

Kurama didn't know what to say. He is lacking words.

"Kurama?"

"Oh, yeah…I-I forgot…" _Great excuse Kurama! _He scolded himself

"You forgot? You forgot me? Us? How could you!"

"I-I…Yusuke…"

"Hello? Brother, this is Hatanaka now."

"Hatanaka, where's Yusuke?"

"He passed the phone to me then he left."

"Is he…never mind…how are you?" Kurama wanted to ask if Yusuke was angry, but he realized that Yusuke's hanging up on him is saying, yes, he IS mad. And now, his problems grew: he loves Yusuke, he can't tell him, and now, he made him mad. _Agh! Why did I say that to Yusuke!! _Right now, he just wanted to go to a cliff, jump, and die. Or, that a huge pitcher plant would swallow him up, or that a bullet train would come out from nowhere and hit straight at him.

**14**

"Hmn! He forgot?! How could he do that?! Stupid excuse!!" Yusuke repeatedly said, punching the brick wall in front of him. He never thought Kurama would be that careless about them. He never thought the kindest of him would do that…But he knows, from the bottom of his heart that Kurama has a reason for doing so and that reason is really that heavy, forcing the fox to hide it from them.

Yusuke went roaming around and saw Baka Kuwabara, and without a word, he punched Kuwabara

"Argh! Yusuke! You want to start again?!"

"Yeah…Dumbhead, Baka! Dumbhead!" Yusuke said, really picking a fight. The only outlet of every bad things he feels.

"Alright! If that's what you want, be ready for your defeat, hahahah!"

They started fistfighting with Yusuke throwing all his strength in every punch, on the other hand; Kuwabara is throwing all his strength in enduring the pain…

With Kuwabara's face being unrecognizable now, Yusuke finally got tired and stopped.

"Yushke!…"

Luckily, Yukina and Genkai passed by… "Kuwabara…"

Upon hearing this, Kuwabara stood and scurried to Yukina

"Oh Yukina my love!"

Yusuke looked at Kuwabara with a raised eyebrow _"Hmn, if only Hiei's here…"_

Then remembered what Hiei said: _"You're really numb, baka."_

Yusuke ran and ran endlessly, until he doesn't know where he is. He threw his arms in the air and fell back on the ground. He had been like this everyday, since Kurama left. He closed his eyes, trying to get some rest from doing so. Then he remembered Kurama again…

"Oh, yeah…I-I forgot…"

He cursed, raised his arms and shot a rei gun up to the skies, hoping that Kurama would see it.

"At least I should do something…"

The wind blew, bringing an empty junkfood wrapper on his face.

"Arg! What the—Hmm?"

He read the wrapper, there is a promo going on. Free trip to the USA. All expenses paid.

"Huh! I will go to the USA! And see you, Kurama!"

From then on, he began collecting those wrappers and sending them to the mailing address of the promo. He even forced his mother to eat lots of that junkfood just so he could collect them.

On his way to Keiko's house, to fulfill his promise that he'll come and help in the ramen shop, he saw this kid, eating that junkfood. He grinned and approached the kid.

"Hey kid, how are you?"

"…Get away from me, baka!"

"Why you?!--Ah, hehe, anyway…I need that wrapper."

"…Baka!"

"Ohh!"

Yusuke lost his temper that he forgot it's just a kid. He began to strangle the kid.

"??Yusuke!!"

Then he felt a strong slap land on his cheek, and another, and another.

"What do you think are you doing?!…Oh,Kid, are you alright?…I'm sorry for what he did."—Keiko apologizing to the kid.

"Ah!!No! Don't let him g--" SLAP….again. "Keiko!!" He complained while rubbing his reddened and swollen cheeks.

"And why are you hurting the kid??"

"You see, I need—" Yusuke saw what's in the grocery bag of Keiko, the junkfood- he- needed- the- wrapper is there! Without a word, he grabbed the bag and ran, with a big grin on his face. "Sorry, Keiko!! But I need these!!"

"Yususke!!" But deep inside Keiko's heart, she knew that it's got to do something with Kurama.

He opened the junkfoods and Kuwabara did the rest: eat the contents

"Thanks for helping me, carrot head."

"Y-Yeah..Yum…When it comes to things like this, you could count on me! HAHAHA!"

"_Hmm…yeah…all you want to do is eat, you didn't even bother to ask me why I needed these wrappers?!…_Well, what could I expect…"

He opened his room and a mountain of wrappers buried him. He didn't notice he collected so much, no, too much. From that time, he began to write his identification details on every pack, 3 days passed…

"Ohone…last…wrapper…and…hello, USA"

He finished them all and wrapped it in a huge bag and headed to the post office. Everyone's staring at him, just imagine yourself looking at a guy with huge eyebags for not sleeping for 3 days and is carrying a humungous bag full of junkfood wrappers…

"H-Here…Ahh" Yusuke nearly fainted.

"Uh-Uh..Sir? Are you sure you want to mail THESE?"

"YYeah……"

"But the promo ended a month ago…"

"HUWHATTTT??…Nah!" Yusuke fainted "…KKurama"

**14**

Kurama woke up late; he forgot to adjust he's phone's time to America's time. He tends to forget a lot of things nowadays, maybe because of Yusuke…he hurried just to get to class. While waiting for the train, someone sat beside him…

"I pity you. Be careful young man. Beware of the Raven's curse."

Judging from the way she was dressed, Kurama knew she is a psychic.

"Huh? F-Forgive me, but..are you talking to me, madam?"

"Yes…I pity you, cursed being."

Kurama went blank for a while, _Cursed being? What is she talking about? _He looked at the lady, he could feel that she really has the gift, that she isn't fooling around with him, her words began to irritate Kurama now, _given a gift like that, calling me a cursed being is something to get alarmed with. _When he couldn't handle it anymore he turned and asked "What do you—Madam?"

But the psychic was nowhere to be found. It gave him the creeps, then the trains hooting deafened him, he remembered why he was rushing. He forced himself to forget about the lady.

Sure, he reached school, but nothing else is in his mind except: _Be careful young man. Beware of the raven's curse…_

"Raven's curse?"

He asked himself this question thousands of times until he reached his hotel…

"Raven's curse?… Raven…uh! Karasu!…Karasu's curse?"

He closed his eyes and replayed their match in his mind…he did remember Karasu muttered something before he was consumed by his giant rose. He grabbed his coat and went back to the train station, to the very bench where the psychic confronted him…

"So, you came back?"

"Yes…I want to know what you were saying about my curse?"

"The Raven's curse."

"Yes! I know! Karasu! What about it?"

The psychic closed her eyes and held Kurama's hand; Kurama could feel the psychic's powers seeping into his mind, as if opening it up, reading it's every detail. Then the lady suddenly let go of his hands. Fear is obvious in her eyes, she stood and moved away from Kurama.

"W-Why? What did you see?"

"Karasu…he confessed to you?"

"Y-Yes…"

"What did you say?"

"I-I turned him down…_'Coz I love someone else"_ but that last part, Kurama didn't tell her, she needn't know.

"He…Karasu…gave you a torch curse…"

"What is it?"

"He cursed you for not loving him back…he cursed you that when you begin to love someone, when you are suppressed to say it so, a torned chain would bound your inner self, tighter and tighter…"

"How could I stop it?"

"No…No…I believe you wouldn't want it…a torch curse is a sure-suffer curse. Telling your feelings to your love would release you from the curse, but in exchange, your love's life would be taken, if others do it for you, both of you will die…terrible… terrible curse!"

Kurama neared to the psyhic "Is there any other way? A counter spell?"

"No! Don't touch me!"

"Please!"

"No!…Someone suppressed you from doing so…"

"_Koenma and Genkai…but myself too…_There should be a way! Every curse could be countered!"

"You were discouraged to tell…It begins now.""

"Madam, ple—Agh!!"

**14**

"Kurama!" Yusuke woke up from a bad dream. In his dream, he saw Kurama in a coffin, begging him for help. "Kurama…I hope you are fine…dreams are the opposite of reality…you're fine Kurama, you're fine.." He calmed himself. He tried to go back to sleep but he couldn't, the sorrowful image won't leave his mind.

Kurama woke up from the beeping sound of the cardiogram by his side. He saw nothing but white around him, for a moment he thought he's in heaven…

He repeatedly winked his eyes to drive away the blurriness.

"No…I'm in a hospital…but why?" he tried to stand from his bed

"Oh sir! Don't stand yet." The nurse prevented him too.

"I-I'm ok."

"No sir, please take your rest."

"Really, I'm ok…who took me here anyway?"

"A lady, dressed in funny outfit did."

"…the psychic…where is she?"

"At the lobby…Sir! Wait!"

Kurama rushed to the lobby, enduring the pain he's feeling. Enduring the cuts that comes out of his body in his every step.

There he saw the psychic…

"I told you it already, there's nothing I could do…"

Then the psychic just disappeared. The pain he feels grew worse. But he insisted to be discharge from the hospital.

"_a torned chain would bound your inner self, tighter and tighter…_ _Telling your feelings to your love would release you from the curse, but in exchange, your love's life would be taken…_Yusuke…"

He felt worse, never gonna be able to tell yusuke how much he loves him. Taken worse by the physical pain he feels. He could feel that there's something inside his body, something that wraps his body organs…_ a torned chain would bound your inner self…_Getting tighter every minute. Making him feel pain that he never felt before. Making his senses jumble up.

He thought for hours of solution to this problem. But the sacrificing in him chose one decision. "I don't want Yusuke to die" ;he decided to keep it to himself, _I'd rather die than ruin everything…_then, he remembered his mother, stepbrother, and stepfather…it made his situation worse. He loves them; he can't just let them think he's ok in the USA when he's dead. He almost breaks down whenever he lies to them, what more if he hides his death to them? Its true, he doesn't want them to get worried about him, but he doesn't want to fool them too.

"I-I…have to go home…"

He tried to pack his things, without staining them with his blood. He wrapped his limbs with bandages, thick ones, just enough to reach Japan without having his clothes turned blood red. Aboard the plane, he tried to sleep, but the extreme pain: physical, emotional, and mental, kept him from doing so. Physical, because of the cuts staining his whole body. Emotional, because of the trouble of how to face everyone back in Japan, leaving without a word, and coming back, dying. Mental, because of thinking thousands of reasons how he could help himself, or, even die without being noticed.

The plane landed, ending his thinking. When he arrived at Japan, the cherry blossoms are beginning to bloom in the darkness. Like greeting him: welcome home and farewell at the same time... He rode a taxi, surprised that he stained its door handle with his blood. He wiped it quickly with his cloth. He called his mom and told her he's going home. He hang up the phone and that's just the time he noticed his arms were bleeding, and so does his body.

Before he went straight to their house, he made a detour into a mall; changed clothes, cleaned his wounds, and changed bandages. Not minding the people staring at him, muttering: he looks like he's dying. _Well, I am! Now stop staring!_ Kurama was so broken up inside that he thought those things.

He reached their house, trying to hide the bleeding under his coat. The door opened, he smiled and greeted them.

"Hi! I miss you all!"

"Brother! Welcome back!"—Hatanaka.

He was helped of his things. They had prepared food for him. At the dining table, he was having a hard time looking at them at the eyes. Until his mother confronted him…

"Uhm…Not that I don't want you back, it's just that schooldays just started there, why'd you suddenly went back, is there a problem?"

"Uh-..No…No…I'm—"

"Brother!"

"Oh my God! Hatanaka call an ambulance!"

**14**

Koenma arrived at the hospital, he felt sick even before they entered. He doesn't like hospitals that much. Botan and him walked down the silent hallway, hell it is silent, way silent. At the end of the hall, he saw that everyone's there, as though they are in a funeral.

"How is Kurama?" he asked

No one tried to answer, they just lowered their heads.

"…Bad, I think?…where is Yusuke?"

"He's inside the room…"—finally Shizuru answered

Koenma looked around, and laid his eyes on Genkai. Then he walked away from the others.

Genkai, receiving Koenma's message, nodded and followed him."Why'd you brought me here?"

"I know what's wrong with Kurama…"

**14**

"…Why are you crying?"

"Nothing…Kurama, don't sleep. Ok?"

"Why, Yusuke?"

"Just don't…I want to tell you something, but I'll say it to you once you're cured. So get cured, ok?"

"If you wait for that, I'm sure you wouldn't be able to tell it to me."

"Shh, Kurama, stop talking like that. I hate it."

"But—" Kurama felt his hurt ache, he felt it slowly being crushed. He could feel he's going to the end of his line. He looked at Yusuke's beautiful brown eyes. And secretly bid him goodbye.

"Yusuke…I-I…If you would, please leave me alone for a while."

"Why?"

"'_Coz I don't want you to see me die…"_

"Why?" Yusuke asked again

"I want to sleep…"

"Go ahead, I promise I won't disturb you" Then he smiled at his crush. Somewhere in the corner of his mind, he questioned himself; how'd he be able to still smile on a situation like this??…but he knows, by doing so, he helps Kurama in a way…

"Yusuke, please…and tell mother, brother and father, the same"

"Kurama…"

Then Kurama snapped "Yusuke!!"…But the moment he realized what he did, he felt guilty and regretted it. Yusuke didn't like that, not that Kurama shouted at him but, that he made Kurama shout. "O-Ok…If that's what you say, Kurama…" They left, but Hatanaka insisted to stay. Not definitely wanted to leave his only brother.

"You know" –Genkai

"Yes, a torch curse. Karasu did it."

"…Karasu has that ability?"

"Turned out so…"

"…Telling your feelings to your love would release you from the curse, but in exchange, your love's life would be taken…Kurama, he…knowing him, he would just-"

Then Yusuke and Kurama's parents went out from the room.

"Yusuke! How's Kurama doing?"—Botan innocently asked

"He requested to be alone for a while…but he's fine…_I hope._"

Kurama's still in his mind that he didn't even notice Koenma's there. It took 2 minutes before he noticed Koenma.

"Koenma! You're here?"

"Yes. Half an hour ago."

"Good. You probably have answers to Kurama's case! C'mon, go in there and heal him."

"Yusuke…" Yusuke began pushing Koenma towards the room.

Koenma wanted to tell him, but the consequences of the curse stopped him from doing so.

"What? Say it? I know you know something!"

"I-I can't"

"What do you mean you can't!" Yusuke began to get pissed off, he began grabbing Koenma by its collar. "Say it! Cure Kurama!"

Then Hatanaka rushed out from the room. His color, drained.

"Brother, he-"

Yusuke didn't let Hatanaka finish; he rushed into the room, right onto Kurama's side. He saw Kurama, grasping for breath, tears flowing down his cheeks.

"Kurama! Look at me, Kurama!"—Yusuke began crying as well. He was stung that Kurama looks pale, the pinkness of his lips are replaced with paler one. He shook Kurama, hoping that he would open his eyes.

Kurama didn't do so, he kept his eyes closed, and just cried. _Why'd you come back?…Yusuke…Please, leave…I don't want you to see me— Yusuke!_

Yusuke sat beside him, and lifted him into a sitting position, forcing him to open his eyes. "Kurama!"

Kurama opened his eyes.

"Could someone get a doctor here please!!" Yusuke panicked

"No, you're just wasting time…"—Kurama said, almost in a whisper.

"No! Kurama! I told you! I want to tell you something when you're cured! How will I be able to tell you if you don't fight!" Yusuke shouted, weeping.

"Yusuke…I-I…I'm not going to lasts…"

"No!…You're going to live! You're gonna get cured! And then I'd be able to tell you…to tell you that I have a crush on you! I like you! I love you! I love you Kurama!"

Kurama felt his heart stopped from what he heard. He wasn't sure if it's real or if he just made it up in his mind. He's dying that he's having difficulty recognizing what's real from fantasy. But Yusuke repeated, it IS real.

"I love you Kurama! I love you, I love you, I love you I love you I love you.."

"Yusuke…I-I…" His tears began to flow again, remembering he couldn't tell him.

"Kurama! Please, say something! Say you love me too, or are you crazy Yusuke? Or stupid, Yusuke! Or…or… Anything!!"

Kurama wanted to tell him, but he doesn't want Yusuke to die…

"Kurama!" Yusuke shook Kurama, forcing him to say something, then he quickly retreated to an embrace.

Kurama can't do anything, he wanted to tell, but he can't. It hurt him, that, finally, here it is, the moment he had been dreaming forever, his love one confessing to him , but here he is, can't tell him he loves him too. The words he wanted to say to Yusuke the most are the words that would kill Yusuke.

"Kurama! Kurama!" Yusuke begged him, embrace getting tighter.

Kurama's continuous flow of tears was replaced with blood. The blood began staining his cheeks. He felt his heart was so crushed up. He took his hand in his pocket and brought out something…

"Yusuke…"

Yusuke, sobbing, forced himself to look at the blood-teared Kurama. Kurama brought something out of his pocket, and gave it to Yusuke. Kurama gave back the handkerchief Yusuke wrapped his wounded hand with, back at the station. Kurama, took Yusuke's hands and placed the handkerchief between them…

"Thank you Yusuke…Thanks that I met you…" blood started seeping out of his mouth too.

Kurama kissed Yusuke's hands, hoping, that in that simple gesture, he made Yusuke know he loves him too. They stayed like that for a while, sitting, as still as statues, holding each others' hands, and staring at each others' eyes.

Then it happened. Yusuke blinked his eyes when the emerald color of Kurama's eyes began fading to gray; Kurama let go of his hand, and smiled at him.

"K-Kurama?…Kurama!" Yusuke went hysterical, Kurama's eye color completely vanished, his breathing: gone. Yusuke still has many things to say to Kurama, many places he wanted to take Kurama to. But none of them could come true now.

The cardiogram sounded off, letting out this irritating long beep, quickly followed by the bell of the clock; it was 12 midnight, signaling the departure of the fox.

"Kurama!!" Yusuke embraced him, really tight, as if doing so would bring his beloved fox back to life.

A while ago he could still feel Kurama's warmth, smell his fragrance, and hear his breathing, but he couldn't sense any of them now. But still he stayed there, by Kurama's side, never letting him go…

The hospital staff came, taking Kurama's body to the morgue. They had a hard time breaking Yusuke away from Kurama's body. Yusuke fought the staffs, he almost used his powers against them, completely breaking his rule. Kuwabara stopped him, and forcefully broke Yusuke away from Kurama's body.

Yusuke punched, kicked and shouted like crazy. Then he fell on his knees, there, he noticed that everyone else is crying their heart out.

_No…Kurama's not dead…he just wanted to sleep…that's what he said…_ he tried to fool himself, but the crying people around him told him: Kurama's dead, gone, forever.

He ran out, hoping that he could still take back Kurama's body from the doctors. Outside, he saw Hiei; standing like a stick, tears flowing down his cheeks too. The situation sunk in him deeper now. Everywhere he looks, they're telling him: Kurama's dead. Dead. Dead!

From that night on, Yusuke locked himself in his room, never talking to anyone, even his mother, even Keiko. None of them really matters to him now, its all Kurama; Kurama or nothing at all. His tears never stopped flowing, except for the seconds that his heart and mind momentarily stops from working, then Kurama would enter his memory, making them hurt again, making the tears flow again. He felt really bad, that he just stayed there, watched Kurama die, without doing anything to help the fox, without even knowing why it happened, what made Kurama sick, what made him suffer.

"Yusuke…" Then Koenma appeared from nowhere.

Yusuke didn't budged from his spot; he just continued to venture in his small, sick, and sad little world.

"Yusuke…brace yourself…" Koenma said, begging Yusuke to come to his senses and listen. It didn't work, but still he continued to speak "Yusuke… do you know what really happened to Kurama?"

"Why are you telling me that now?! What could it do?! It won't bring him back to me! I hate him! Kurama!" He said it, even though he knows that's not true.

"No, Yusuke, listen…Don't hate Kurama…he loves you so much, that's why he died for you."

"Died for me? Of what? For what? He doesn't have to do that! I can't understand!"

"He was cursed…that if he tell the person he loves his feelings, that person would die…he never wanted you to die…"

"Why are you telling that to me just now?? I could've helped him."

"No, you won't. The curse is indestructible once it started…he wasn't able to tell you his feelings before because he was afraid that you won't like him back, that you might call him stupid, that he might ruin your friendship and—_I condemned him from doing so_"

Koenma continued talking, trying all what he can do, to explain what happened. But none of the words registered in Yusuke's mind. He just wanted Kurama back. He couldn't believe he was that numb not to notice Kurama's feeling for him. But he's sure that he will, only if he gave a little more attention to Kurama. He almost killed himself at the thought that he became selfish, he didn't notice Kurama until he left and came back dying. That he didn't show him he is special to him. That he's that numb, hurting Kurama by being too close to Keiko. He couldn't believe he was just smiling away while Kurama is suffering; trying hard to keep what he feels just to save him.

He could still hear Koenma speaking, but the words are blurred, incomprehensible. Koenma saw that Yusuke's off to his own world again, so he just decided to go back to his castle, leave Yusuke alone to think things through…for a while, he got worried to what might happen to Yusuke, he might go crazy and stuff…He also wished that Kurama would just go back and bring everything back to normal…then he remembered the night he condemned Kurama for loving Yusuke. He felt guilty, guilty that he could be the one that triggered the curse to start, that he could be the one who killed Kurama…he closed his eyes and just left.

Yusuke let the hours passed, sitting there, crying, thinking about Kurama and the moments they shared together. From the moment he met him, to the hospital, to the tournament, to the days they go home together, everything. Then it hit him.

"I have one more wish! From Koenma! For winning Taguro's tournament!"

Koenma returned to his castle with a guilty heart. He changed back to his kid form, slacked down on his seat, and noticed that he was alone. Botan wasn't there, the blue monster wasn't there either. Everything changed, he didn't expect these would happen when Kurama's gone. As if a god died and as a result, the three worlds are slowly self-destructing.

"Oi!! Pacifier!!"

"Huh? Yusuke??"

"Hey! I remembered! I have one more wish from you!"

Yusuke strangling the kid Koenma.

"Y-Yusuke"

"My wish…my wish is for you to bring Kurama back to life!"

"I-I'm afraid I can't do that…cursed souls disappear forever…"

The little hope that gave Yusuke life and energy disappeared in a flash…he fell to his knees again, and is starting to drift away to his sad world, again…

"_No it can't be…there should be another way…in another time…time!…_Koenma! I want you to bring me back the time when Kurama's still alive! Come on!"

"Y-Yusuke…your wish…I can't do that.."

"Grr! Then maybe your father could!"

"Yusuke! Don't go in there!"

Yusuke ran desperately in King Enma's room. The king was obviously disturbed and felt disrespected on the detective's actions.

"Yu—Oh, father!…"Koenma bowed down on the floor, cold sweat trickled down his forehead when he saw Yusuke not bowing, disrespecting the King. "_Yusuke!"_

"Hmm…Urameshi…"

"King Enma…I have a request…"

"…Bursting in my room just like that is pretty disrespectful, but definitely you nonetheless."

"I want to bring back the time when Kurama's still alive."

"Hmm, Kurama, huh?…What did Koenma said?"

"He can't do it."

"That is because there are consequences to your wish."

"I'll accept it!"

"…First, bringing the time back would change everything else, in this world, and in the other worlds…second, you'll be fired from being a detective and third, you're powers would be taken…you'd be an ordinary being."

"…I accept! As long as I'm with Kurama I don't need my powers nor be a detective. And I know that bringing back that time would change this world and the others to a better future."

Enma stared at Yusuke for a while, Enma saw that the detective is serious, and desperate. He didn't expect that he loves the fox that much, that he'd give up everything he grew, sweat for, and dreamt of.

"…Your heart is true, I'll carry out your wish"

"Thank you, King Enma!"

King Enma raised his hand, and Yusuke felt his powers disappeared. Then a dimension hole lit up beside the king.

"Go on Yusuke, go back to Kurama."

Yusuke began to walk towards the light.

"Yusuke!" Koenma stopped him. "Listen…even if you go back in time, Kurama's still cursed…"

"How would I lift it?"

"…Just go with the situation, when you go back there, of course you'd be different…just make him yours, and you his…that way, the curse wouldn't have a room to grow."

"How would I know if the curse is gone?"

"…The handkerchief…"

He walked into the light, in it, he felt his whole body is falling down an endless well. Then he found himself on an escalator…

"Escalator?…I'm at the train station!…"

He reached the top of the platform

"_And, at the end of the station…there is…there is…_"

**14**

Kurama sat in the train station, resting a while after a long day of school. He closed his eyes, and leaned on the bench. In the darkness, he could see one face, but thousands in quantity, flooding his mind:Yusuke.Yusuke,Yusuke,Yusuke,Yusuke………

He opened his eyes, hoping to wash away all his thought of Yusuke, but the case became worse. He watched this handsome guy walking towards him, dressed in white shirt and a pair of blue jeans. His hair roughly brushed up, but it looks good, and has a huge smile on his face.

"Kurama!"

"Y-Yusuke? What are you doing he—"

Yusuke had stood him up from the bench and embraced him. Kurama was confused, he couldn't tell if its true or if its a dream. He could feel his heart beating really fast now. He could feel the warm embrace he only feels in his fantasies. He wanted to ask him what's the matter, but he was afraid that he'll release him, he doesn't want that to happen. He was afraid that this is just a dream, that asking so would slap him back to reality.

Yusuke couldn't believe, that here he is again, with Kurama. That he is embracing him again, that he could feel Kurama's warmth, smell his fragrance, and hear his breathing again. His heart was racing, and he was certain Kurama could feel that against his chest. He urged himself to look at Kurama's eyes, he could see confusion in them, but the fox's cheeks are showing reddened happiness. He wanted to tell Kurama his feelings. He kissed Kurama's lips…

"…Kurama"

Then he kissed him again…

"…I"

And again…

"…Love"

And again…

"…You"

And again…

"I love you, Kurama."

And again…

Kurama felt like drowning, drowning in the kisses of his beloved detective. In the kisses in between the words he only dreamt of coming from Yusuke. Feeling those sweet kisses, he realized that what's happening is real. That it's just too perfect; too perfect for a dream.

"_Kurama! Please, say something! Say you love me too, or are you crazy Yusuke? Or baka, Yusuke! Or…or… Anything!!_…Kurama, please say something…"

He said it, even tough he was afraid of Kurama's answers. He still wasn't sure of the fox's answer, he was afraid that the times had changed, since bringing back time means changing everything. But whatever Kurama's answer is, he readied himself to accept it.

Kurama tried hard not to, he's still worried on the complications it would bring. But Yusuke's tightening embrace made him give in… It reminded him of how he began growing this feeling for him. He remembered the incident back at the hospital, where Yusuke almost died with him. He remembered the same feeling he felt when Yusuke carried him away from Bakken, away from the pain and into the warmth he had been dreaming of . The moments when he almost committed suicide when Yusuke was kidnapped by Kaito's friends. The moments he just spent the day, watching Yusuke do things: funny and stupid. But he loved them all; he loves everything about Yusuke.

He wanted to ask Yusuke if he is serious, and what about Keiko. But he realized that what Yusuke's doing right now is giving him the answers to those questions, and so much more, more than anything he could take, more than anything he could think ahead, more than anything he could fantasize about…Nothing else is in his mind, except… Yusuke felt something on his lips. Something warm and sweet. Something burning but soothing; firing up his whole body. He couldn't remember when it started, but all he knows is that Kurama is giving him one hell of a great kiss. He could hear himself moan everytime Kurama caresses his lips with his. Add Kurama's fragrance and softness to that…

"_Damn Kurama! You're making me-me…"_

He felt like being unfair to Kurama, Kurama is bringing him up and pass heaven; and he, just having the pleasure all to himself. So, he gave the favor back to Kurama; he kissed Kurama back, as passionate as what the fox's giving him. They're beginning to lock themselves in their own little world, but they forced themselves to break away before something else happens.

Yes, they stopped kissing, but still holding each other. Kurama was amazed to what happened. He never thought he would have the guts to do that to Yusuke. He felt embarrassed, thinking that he could've been too aggressive. But he never regretted what he did. He shifted his gaze at Yusuke's lips. Sure the real thing tastes better than fantasy. Then he remembered he was supposed to say something to Yusuke…

Yusuke was bewildered for a while, still intoxicated from Kurama's kiss. Then he remembered he was waiting for something, a five-worded sentence originally from three-worded one, but he didn't get that, he got a kiss instead; but he liked it better, nonetheless. Still, he wanted to hear those words…

Kurama tried to concentrate, despite of Yusuke's eyes and arms making him lose himself, …_what was it? I was supposed to say something…_then he stopped using his brain and just let his heart do everything for him…

"I love you too, Yusuke_." It came out, finally. Those words I've longed to tell you…Yusuke, Yusuke, I love you so much!_

Then he embraced Yusuke back, as tight as what he was receiving. Yusuke felt this huge smile crept up on his lips, and heart as well. At last, he finally heard the words he had waited for Kurama to tell him that horrible night. They stayed there, never letting go of each other. They could feel that the people are staring at them now, but they didn't care, all that matters is the two of them: together…

Then a strong wind blew, taking away the handkerchief from Yusuke's hand. He saw the bloodstained handkerchief: the symbol of Kurama's death; flew away with the wind, and vanished in thin air…

Wakas

**14**

**TearStar: Just changed some word errors… ** Alright! That's it pack it up, pack it up!… I hope you like it (Well, that is if there's someone who read it ) Thank you! Thank you for giving me an opportunity to post my fic here and be read…Until next time!…Maybe

Oh yeah if you were reviewing (if ever) sorry if I couldn't reply to you, you see, computer rentals in our place are really expensive!! Imagine, 35 per hour?! Considering my life status, and my very spendy course; that's way out of my budget. Promiz, once I could go on line, I will, and reply to you (if ever there is one to reply to… )

**Oh yeah!** I plan to follow this with the part2:Yusuke and Kurama's lovelife!! More adventures up!! No deaths, promise!! I'll entitle it: Yusuke's Competitions… So if you're looking forward to that, always check on my stories…I don't know when, but keep checking… mwah! I love you all!

Thank you thank you thank you poof!…………………..


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